Elation, Numbness and Tears

Every time I return home from an outing, the first thing I do is look for the flashing message light on our phone. If it's flashing, the next thing I do is check the caller ID to see who may have left a message. Then, I listen to the message. I didn't used to be so neurotic about that, but ever since I thought we might be getting our referral soon, I couldn't help it. I wanted to be prepared emotionally if the message I heard was "the call".

Today was no different after returning from an impromptu shopping outing (sorry, honey). I had Emma in my arms, still crying softly from an injury sustained to her finger at the store. I situated her at the bathroom sink, with her sore finger under cold running water. Then I went to look for the phone. I found it sitting on the kitchen counter, but I couldn't see the light from that angle. So I picked up the phone, and there it was - the blinking light. Quickly, I hit the caller ID number to see who called, figuring it would be my mom or a friend. But there it was, staring at me - a 360 area code with the word "Adoption". That's all I saw - or needed to see.

At that point I started shaking with excitement, all the while trying to compose myself enough to see what the message was. I told myself it was probably the billing department at our agency calling about an invoice or something. Then I heard it..."This is Merrily from Adoption Advocates...please call me back when you have a chance". Now I really started to lose it. Merrily is the Director of the agency, and she doesn't just call people to chat. I couldn't wait to hear what she had to say, yet I was completely scared.

I didn't know what to do. I had a crying toddler in the bathroom. I was pacing around the kitchen, not sure if I should call Merrily, or Brian, or get the video camera out, or what. Finally I called Brian, then went to check on Emma. I made Brian guess who I just heard a message from. I think he guessed his dad. What?!! MERRILY! Brian then proceeded to ask me what I was doing, and how Emma's doctor appointment had gone. I was still pacing, not sure to stand or sit or what. Um, hello? Brian? How can you ask me stuff like that at a time like this?!

I think Brian was trying to savor the moment. He then said, "well, what did she say?". When I told him I hadn't even called her back yet, he said to get right on that. So, slowly and shaking, I went over to where I had scribbled down the phone number, and dialed. My voice was timid and shaky when I asked for Merrily. I remember straightening the wall calendar while I was on hold. I was trying to prepare myself for Merrily saying something like "we just needed to check on some paperwork with you".

When Merrily's voice came on, she sounded so calm and reassuring, like an angel. She said, "We have a baby I would like to talk to you about." That's all I needed to hear...I just melted. "It's a girl, and she's very tiny." A girl! Brian and I secretly wanted a girl, but figured we would get a boy since girls are in higher demand. We were also preparing ourselves that it could likely be a toddler since we would accept up to 24 months. A baby girl! That was our best case scenario! And to top it all off, she seems perfectly healthy!

We haven't officially accepted her yet, but as far as we are concerned, we now have two daughters. Baby Meskerem Adama is one month old, and will be in care at the orphanage for the next few months. We are praying that we will be able to travel and bring her home some time in January.

Oh - I forgot to mention, she's GORGEOUS!