Friday, September 29, 2006

Am I normal?

Having a daughter on the other side of the world is the strangest thing. It's not really what I expected, at least not yet. There are moments when I get lost in thought about her. And every time I look at her picture, it makes me smile. She is such a sweet looking baby!

But that's just it - all I know about her is what she looks like. I want so desperately to feel some sort of bond or attachment with her. So far this wait (granted it's only been three days) hasn't been so bad. We have done a few baby-related things, like print copies of her pictures to have around, and purchased a few outfits for her. We have even collected everything we need for her welcome bag; we just need to assemble it now.

I think I thought the moment we got our referral my life would change and things would be somewhat "magical" and agonizing at the same time. Truth is, I don't really feel that different. And I feel awful for saying that.

4 comments:

owlhaven said...

Oh, the wait will probably get to you soon enough-- don't feel bad about feeling mellow now....and I have no doubt you will fall in love when you see her in person!!

Mary, mom to many

Anne said...

Shana -- when we got our referral, Juleah filled up the place I had waiting in my heart. But after that, as we got to know her more through friends meeting her and sending photos, and then Steve visiting and bringing home videos and photos and words, our attachment to her has blossomed into something we could never have imagined. Give yourself time -- and rest assured that I'll be sending you photos and video of your sweet girl from my trip. :)

Susy Q said...

Your daughter is so beautiful!!

Brianna Heldt said...

Shana don't feel bad!! You can never really predict how you'll feel about certain things, this included. It is such a surreal experience all the way around.

There have been different points where the way I've felt has surprised me, I think that is normal. Everyone and every experience is different.

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